I Can’t Find My Parachute

Last week I did this:

This week I did this:

Except now I seem to be without parachute.

My fear hasn’t quite subsided. It was easier to jump out of a plane than move to New York City.

See when your toes dangle off the edge of a plane, it doesn’t feel as real as it is.

But when your toes dangle off the edge of a noisy subway platform, the reality of the situation comes rushing to your face with the passing of the train. The city is loud, tall, and most of the time it smells. Everyone moves so quickly.

I like the sunshine and the mountains and the oceans and smiling at people on the street.

I’m still scared, and I miss home and the people who come with it. But I know that when I make the leap and let myself free fall, explore flea markets and New York vintage, spend evenings with friends, canoodle with TED, drink my Mud soy chai, and find the treasures that this city has to offer…

I will find my parachute.

Published in: on June 16, 2010 at 4:22 am  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Great pictures! And I know you’ll have an AMAZING experience!

  2. The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.
    Eleanor Roosevelt

    Let go of the fear and love your life right now! Home and everyone who loves you will be here when you return. Mom

  3. The really great thing about NYC is how it makes you appreciate home! Enjoy your time there and home will be waiting for you…

  4. Hang in there,Rachel. NYC has the best and the worst of everything. One of the worst is the subways in the summer. It’s all part of the experience! Take a walk through Central Park if you miss trees. You’d be surprised of how many hidden quiet places you can find in the middle of the city! Enjoy!

  5. Dear Rachel, world traveler! You are now in my favorite city (although I am not a world traveler!) and I can imagine your fear. I love that you can express it and know that you can move beyond it. I moved to NYC after college graduation and since it was a dream of mine since childhood I was exhilarated! I remember your eloquent descriptions of Eygpt and thought how similar I felt when I first moved to NY…”no eye contact” in particular!…<:) I hope that you can embrace the pulse of the city, the smells and sounds and the LIFE all around. It is so unique and a wonderful photo opp!! :)I remember the day before I moved back to CA, I took my Canon AE-1 and shot pictures of children playing in a city street hydrant spray…a business man lying in the sun during lunch at the Plaza fountain…a Central Park couple kissing in the silhouette of an old lamp post…and other images still in my memories today. Perhaps through your lens you can break into and embrace NYC life! (Be sure to walk across Brooklyn Bridge…there might still be the river cafe (?) on the other side) I'll be praying for you!

  6. Hi Rachel,

    I love your insights about New York. I moved to New York after college. To quote Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities, I found it to be “the best of times and the worst of times.” I loved it. New York remains one of my favorite places on Earth, but it can be trying to live there, to say the least.

    Summer is tough–I found myself walking even more because I could not stomach the smells of the subway. I particularly remember one day walking to work when a bus went by while I was standing near a puddle. You can imagine the rest–I arrived at work covered in dirty water and mud. I even found gravel in my underwear. Now, I can look back and laugh, but at the time, I was not laughing.

    Even that humiliating experience was worth it, however, when I look back and remember the sheer energy of being young and in New York. It seemed like anything could happen. Quite often, it did. I hope you experience that and more.

    BTW, I hope you have met Julien Isaacs, one of your fellow interns at TED. His mom and I are great friends. Please say Hi for me.

    Good luck. I look forward to hearing more. . .


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